she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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