I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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