OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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