Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize