the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
