you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
