dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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