If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
