the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
