with your own penis?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
