I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
50% drunk capacity currently
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
