i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
