I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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