Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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