Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
