So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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