ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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