Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
