new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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