my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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