You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
