guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize