It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
