Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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