I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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