We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
