Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
