I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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