Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
