Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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