I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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