When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
