I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
