so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
