How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
