I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize