remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
