friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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