that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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