That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
