How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
