I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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