There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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