dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
