shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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