I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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