Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
