butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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