First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
