I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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