I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is not my ceiling
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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