Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I looked at my own cervix.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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