If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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