thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
