hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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