arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
