Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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