dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
