Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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