My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
