And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
