He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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